When it rains, God gives you an umbrella

Hello babies!  A lot has been going on in my world lately: wedding planning, trying to figure out where we want to settle, and dealing with the angst that comes with full-time employment.  I can truly say that I am OVER it.  My mom used to always say to put it in the hands of the Lord; so that is what I am going to do.  I know that the Lord will cover me and keep me dry in the midst of the storm (with one of those pretty clear umbrellas), so I am going to stay focused on that.  Prayer warriors: Keep my fiance' and I in your prayers. 

God's got it!

My journey through 30

Almost 30 days ago I turned 31.  I know that sentence alone is making you say, " so how is she going to speak about a JOURNEY?  It's only been a year!" Well in such a short time, I have realized that 30s are so different from the 20s. 

At 18 I realized that I was not in the body that I thought I should be in.  At 163 I felt fat; not unattractive, just fat.   That feeling alone was enough to affect the way that I viewed myself.  Because I felt fat, I did not feel completely beautiful. Sure I can blame that on society and how it portrays overweight women, but I have to take ownership for that feeling as well.  Instead of focusing on the other beautiful things about myself though, I opted to lose weight.  And I did.  In 2 years I lost 45 lbs and I knew I had solved that beauty issue.  Embracing what my best friend and I call the Skinny Girl Syndrome, I basked in my new body.  I wore skimpy outfits and drank in the flattery and admiration from men and women alike. All through my 20s I leaned on my body coupled with my cute face and I allowed it to make me feel like I reached the standard of beauty that everyone wants to reach.  Then I turned 28 and slacked on my workout.  At 29 I slacked on my eating and continued to neglect physical fitness. I gained 30 lbs.  To make matters worse, I went natural, something else that made me question my beauty because it was not conventional.  At 30 I moved back to Virginia and decided that I needed to get back on track and find my "beauty" again; I also went back to the creamy crack. 

If you want to lose lbs, Weight Watchers is the way to go.  By April I had lost 30 lbs without lifting a single weight or running a single lap.  Couple that with my straight relaxed hair and in my mind all I could think was I'm BACK!  6 months later, I gained ALL of the weight back, and I lost ALL of what I thought beauty should be. My "beauty" was gone...again.  Back to the overweight girl of my teens that loathed her stomach and big arms. Even my relaxed hair didn't make me feel beautiful.  Then one day I woke up and realized why my "beauty" was gone.  It wasn't because of my weight or my hair.  It was simply because I did not know what beauty truly was.

At 31 I think I know.  All of these years I have based beauty on my looks.  That has NOTHING to do with it.  Beauty is how you view yourself.  Beauty is how you treat strangers.  Beauty is how you love others.  Beauty is in your goals, aspirations, and dreams.  Your mental state makes you beautiful.  The way you feel inside is the way that you look on the outside.  If you value God, yourself, others, and nature it will show on the outside; it will produce a glow that weight loss and straight  hair cannot match.  The best part of all is that all of those things make you beautiful on the outside as well.  My mission is different now.  I still want to lose 30 lbs.  Not because I want to look good in a dress, but because I want to do it for my future: my future kids, my future husband, MY future.  Being here for them and for myself motivates me to change my lifestyle.  To me that is the true definition of beauty.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I'm backkkkk!  After another hiatus from my beloved blog, I felt compelled to write about what's new in the world of Erica.  First off, I have been a fiancee' now for about 6 months!  My hunny proposed to me on August 15th.  It was so beautiful and thoughtful!  Since then I have been planning away at this wedding.  The first week I was so motivated I almost lost my fiancee'--something about let's enjoy being engaged before we jump right into planning...Blah, blah, blah!  I guess he doesn't know how fast venues and photographers book up!  To appease him though, I stopped planning for a few weeks (after I booked the venue of course)! 

Then I met Tina.  Tina opened my mind to all things wedding and got me back on track with the planning--I just had to have her decorate and plan our wedding.  

Fast forward two months and I find the dress of my dreams; until I see the price!  Eek!  I began to think.  Do I LOVE this dress or do I love this dress?  So back to the drawing board.  2 1/2 months later I find my second dream dress and I know I can't get married without it.  Of course it costs more than the first dream dress though as my luck would have it--but the tears that rolled down my face when I looked in the mirror were priceless: and Ramen isn't THAT bad if you put hot sauce and soy sauce in it.

Who ever thought the hardest part of getting married would be finding a dress for someone else? After going back and forth and considering the opinions of everyone (that was my mistake) I finally picked a dress for them that I liked. I'm sure they will love it too!

So this is where I currently am in the planning process.  Save the Dates have been mailed, website is done (at least most of it) and rehearsal dinner location is booked.  Sounds like I've done a lot right?  I wish!  There is still a ton more to do including figure out what I am going to do with my hair since I BIG CHOPPED again!  I'm sure I will have more to update in the coming months.  Stay tuned!

Don't call it a comeback

I have neglected my blog once again.  I am not sure why I do this; writing is the best form of therapy for me and with all the stuff I feel like I'm going through, a massage is  not enough to ease this tension. 

With every passing year (30 was the most recent) I learn that life is something else.

Within the last year I have developed a level of pain that sometimes puts me out of commission.  The pain comes from Fibromyalgia according to my doctor.  Oh how I wish it was a misdiagnosis! The nagging aching pain is enough to make me want to cry sometimes, but I am going to fight through it.  Many doctors say it is a mental disorder; I sure hope that is true because I tell myself daily that one day this pain will cease to exist!

On the up side, my boyfriend has relocated to Virginia and things are better than ever...AND he gives me massages when I am in pain so he gets 20 cool points for that.

Until next time...

For the Love of Vanity

So I may lose some followers for this post...oh I forgot, I don't have any!  So I straightened my hair the other day: I am absolutely in LOVE with it! (well almost, the frizz is the worst).  I forgot how much I love straight hair.  During the first phases of this natural hair journey I embraced what everyone called the "ugly phase" because that comes with the territory right?  Well after 13 months I am beginning to realize what I put in the back of my mind for months: I miss my relaxed hair.

And this is where the vanity comes in.  I miss my relaxed hair because I feel like I look much more beautiful with it.  Okay you can stop judging now!  Not only that though, relaxed hair is so much easier to manage than natural hair.  Now I know what you are saying: before you were raving about your natural hair and now you just want to abandon it and go back.  Well to defend my case, I went back and read some of my older posts.  More often than not, I was talking about the struggles of this journey.  I cannot deny that when it was good, it was good, but those moments were so short-lived. 

So now I am at a crossroads.  But before I jump the gun I decided that I am going to get a Keratin treatment.  They say it prevents frizz and makes your natural hair look and feel relaxed.  So I'm going to see how that goes.  If not, it may be back to the creamy crack.

Erica Hampton and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

This book was super hilarious growing up: Now I know what Alexander went through.  Fast forward 20 years.  Absolutely nothing went right today.  I take that back, I did have a good workout this morning.  After that, CURTAINS.

Today was a closed door day at work...a locked closed door.  To add insult to injury I had to work the extended shift, so I was there until 8 pm...with no dinner...

For some reason I have been anxious all week and today was no different.  I think my subconscious even needs a vacation...so does my hair.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.
 
  

You learn something new everyday...

I found this out one year ago today when I decided to cut all my hair off and go natural.  A big chop is what it is called officially, but I was not cutting my hair for any reason of significance; I wanted a new look.  The natural do's were really showing out and I wanted to get in on the fun.  And fun it wasn't.

There should be a disclaimer for women who decide to cut it all off and go natural.  The disclaimer should read: Your hair will be ADORABLE the first five months.  Don't be fooled by it.  At month six, you will get the first glimpse of YOUR natural hair.  And you won't like it.

Why not?  Because your hair no longer looks cute in your favorite style.  Yes the one that you have been doing for the past couple months because every other style pales in comparison.  It will never look right again.

Let me stop.  Yes it will; but it will be about four months later when you try the style out of desperation with the hope that it will save you.

And it will.  And your faith in natural hair will be restored.  Then you will begin to LOVE your hair.
 

For the love of natural hair

I will start by saying that when I began this journey I was the biggest optimist.  I had been relaxed since I was six years old and I had finally come to a place in my life where I wanted something different so off it went--and down went my self-esteem.

Throughout my natural hair journey there were only a few times that I was truly a fan of my natural mane- the first 4 weeks and weeks 12-16.  So sad I can recall that but that is how much of an impact it had on me.  The excess work and dedication was not what I thought I was signing up for.  Not to mention the frizz and tangling.  "What the hell did I do!!" was a question I often asked myself.  Now, at 9 months natural, I can truly say that I have developed a deep love for my natural hair.

As I look back on my journey, I realize that a lot of other things were going on in my life that influenced my negative feelings towards my hair.  My 30-lb weigh gain and dissatisfaction with my job were huge contributors to these feelings.  How can you love your hair when you are not in love with your body and in constant wonder about your mental state?  At times I felt like I was a prisoner of all these things. Then one day I woke up and realized that all of the issues going on in my life were preventable; so I decided to take back what was mine.

20 lbs and a new job later, I finally get it.  My dislike for my natural hair had nothing to do with the texture.  It had everything to do with me and my inability to be in control of my life.  I also now understand that what is beautiful changes over time.  In my early 20s beauty was external with no internal connection.  Now I can really marvel in the fact that external beauty is directly connected to your internal feelings about yourself. 

The Big Move

Hello blogspot!  So its been a while, I know.  A lot has changed since my last post.  For one, I am back in Virginia.  After months of unhappiness, I decided that I had to make a change so I took a job at the University of Virginia.  I will say that it has been a bit of a transition.  More work but less stress. There are pros and cons to every situation though, so I am trying to take it all in stride.  I will say this; I miss the hell out of my UCF coworkers.  The camaraderie was awesome.  The quietness in my new office is deafening. 

The other difficult part is I went from a long distance relationship to an even longer distance relationship.  This has been the hardest transition of all.   I am finally in a relationship with someone that makes me optimist about the future and one day becoming a plus 1, but being so far apart puts a bit of fear and doubt in my heart.  I am praying for the best.  They say patience is a virtue. Guess I am about to get a first hand lesson in it. 

Another discovery in my natural hair journey

Soooooooo I was in Macy's the other day looking at Carol's Daughter hair products when I started reading some handouts from her.  One of them talked about the "scab hair period". This hair period is the first 6-8 months of your hair grown.  According to Carol that is not your true curl pattern because your hair is growing out of damaged hair follicles. Once the follicles heal, your true curl pattern will start to come through.  I don't know how true this is, but it gives me something else to look forward to!

Reflecting on 2012

I woke up this morning to a phone call from the University of Virginia to officially offer me the position of tutor coordinator. After talking to the women in HR I started to reflect on everything that has happened this year.  The year started with me dating someone I was not very interested in and ended with me being in love with a wonderful man. Of course each year starts with me in financial ruins (that is a bit extreme I know) but this year is ending with financial blessings.  I started the year with relaxed hair and I am ending it natural and getting to the point where I love my hair.  This year I lost a close friend but reconciled with an old one.  I am transitioning into a position that will allow me to try new things and change a tutor program for the better.  As I type this I realize that this year I got something in my life that I have always lacked in the past: balance.  More than any other blessing from above I am thankful for that. I am praying that this will continue to be constant in my life.  finally I am looking forward to seeing what 2013, and age 29, will bring.

It's been a minute!

Wow time sure does fly.  I didn't realize it had been this long since I hit up the blog.  In the past few weeks I have been dealing with a few things: my hair and my spiritual walk.  I feel like I am at a crossroads in my spiritual walk.  I am not sure where to go next so keep me in your prayers as I listen and walk with God.

As my hair gets longer, it is becoming more and more difficult for me to manage. Since my post about my first official bad hair day, I have had about 10 bad hair days.  This may sound a bit conceited, but I am used to looking a certain way with minimal effort.  Natural hair definitely makes you redefine what beauty is!  Yesterday was really bad, so after viewing numerous YouTube clips, I decided to try finger shingling.  Oh I am in absolute LOVE with my hair!  It looks so shiny and neat.  I have absolutely NO frizz, which is something I was beginning to think was impossible.  I think I found my twa style, YAY!

Through all of the difficulties of the past few weeks, I am so glad that my relationship is still going strong.  Normally it would be the first thing to go, but I think I have found the man that fits me.  Never thought I would say that.  Boy does it feel nice...

The ugly phase

So I think I have reached my "ugly" phase; the phase in your natural hair process when no matter what you do, every day is a bad hair day.  Today was bad hair day five.  My hair routine was working perfectly until this week: Co-wash, oil, gel and go.    You Tube has been my best friend these past few days viewing natural hair clips one after the other.  Nothing has worked.  The up side to all of this is that my hair is growing so quickly.  The down side is nothing that I do is preventing this frizziness.  Maybe it will quickly grow through this phase.  My fingers are crossed...

1st official bad hair day

Well it finally happened.  After 3 wonderful months of growing my hair, today was a bad hair day.  I know that every product won't work in my hair, but so far I have had great luck with every product I've tried.  I purchased a leave-in conditioner a few weeks ago and decided to try it this morning after watching natural hair blogs last night.  Oh man, all day my hair looked like those tennis balls that you throw at the pad with the Velcro on it.  My day was so busy though, that I didn't notice it until around 6:30.  All I could think was "really, I looked like this ALL day."  Bye bye leave-in conditioner!

A pain in my...

No not there, in my neck!  Yesterday I had the worst back pain of my LIFE!  It bought me to tears.  Even pain meds didn't help.  I was at my wit's end when my homegirl offered to give me some muscle relaxers until I have my chiropractic appointment on Friday.  I was hesitant, but the pain made me give in.
Yo, whoever invented these things I'm sure have been thanked a million times over.  It felt so great to be able to sit on the couch and watch TV instead of laying in the floor.

One pound down!

I know that may not sound like a lot but after 4 months of losing no pounds, losing one in 6 days has really put a smile on my face!  AND I cycled 22 miles today in spinning class!  That is all.

Gluten-free: Day three

Before I even touch the title, let me tell you how it happened.  After MONTHS of lacking energy, being moody and gaining weight despite working out (and not just ANY working out, taking spinning classes).  I was fed up to HERE (you know what that looks like) with my current state.  So after browsing the web and self-diagnosing, I was convinced that it was my thyroid.  I made an appointment with a primary care doctor that specialized in thyroid and diabetes.

I pull out my notepad and give her the rundown of my symptoms.  I mean I put everything that I have felt for the past few months.  She was so patient as I went through my list.  After I finished she checked my thyroid.  She then suggested that maybe I have a gluten allergy.  My first thought was, GYRL BYE!

How can I have a gluten allergy?  Does she not know that I love bread, crackers, cereal, beer, pasta and everything else that has gluten?  Is she trying to ruin my life?  I'm assuming she could read my mind because she began to tell me how many people have gluten allergies and that they can live a normal lifestyle and enjoy the same foods as before.  Then she told me to try it for 2 weeks.

So after three days I realize that I feel amazing! I have had energy these past few days that I have not had in about 2 years.  My mood is even different, I was so happy when I woke up this morning that I did a little dance for my cat.  Hopefully this feeling will last.  I'll keep you updated...

Don't sweat the small stuff!

I know that I let the small stuff bother me sometime, even when I should ignore it, it still manages to control my thoughts and sometimes my actions. Don't judge me, they say admittance is the first step to solving a problem right?

Well I have to admit that lately it seems that everyone and everything has been getting under my skin.  I mean, stuff that I did not EVER think would be a factor has been used against me.  How did this even happen?  My conclusion was that the enemy was trying to keep me down.  That was until I attended church this morning.  Pastor Parries said it best: God uses the enemy to PROMOTE you; don't let the enemy DEMOTE you. 

What an epiphany!  Whoever the enemy may be in your life (job, boss, spouse, cashier at Walmart that charged you twice for the same item) they are not the enemy; instead they are the way to promotion.  The Lord will always create ways for you to show your faithfulness and trust in Him.  These ways are oftentimes presented to you as an obstacle.  It ultimately is up to you to use the experience to build your character and faith instead of letting the enemy set you back. 

So with that said, I am actively changing my thought process. Others will not control the way I do me! 

My cat POOPED in my floor!

The woes of having a pet.  My cat decided to take a nice hot dump in the middle of my living room this morning with two empty litter boxes at his disposal.  When he does stuff like that it makes me wonder if he is being as a*#hole.  But according to every cat blog I've ever read, cat are not spiteful.  That is a bunch of bologna if I ever did read it.  The first two times he dropped a stinky load in my living room it was because I went out of town.  Since then he has done it about 6 more times.  My patience is starting to run thin; not to mention the shower curtain he has destroyed and the curtains that are on their last leg.  I'm not even going to talk about my mattress and couch.  Anybody want a cat?

Milestones

In the last few weeks of not blogging, I hit the 8-week anniversary of my big chop and the seven week mark on my new relationship.  Both of these events have been great for me.  My hair is growing and giving me both challenges and rewards.  My relationship is growing and getting stronger everyday.

One thing that I am most thankful about in my relationship is that through each issue that we encounter, we use it to strengthen our relationship, not hinder it.  Dating someone that listens with genuine interest, means what he says and does anything to put a smile on your face is so awesome.  I know it sounds cheesy but it has definitely gotten me through some bad days.  Knowing that your well-being is important to someone other than yourself is a feeling I cannot describe;  knowing that someone else's well-being is a priority is your life is a very humbling experience.  As the days go by, I am excited about our relationship and where it will go.