For the Love of Vanity

So I may lose some followers for this post...oh I forgot, I don't have any!  So I straightened my hair the other day: I am absolutely in LOVE with it! (well almost, the frizz is the worst).  I forgot how much I love straight hair.  During the first phases of this natural hair journey I embraced what everyone called the "ugly phase" because that comes with the territory right?  Well after 13 months I am beginning to realize what I put in the back of my mind for months: I miss my relaxed hair.

And this is where the vanity comes in.  I miss my relaxed hair because I feel like I look much more beautiful with it.  Okay you can stop judging now!  Not only that though, relaxed hair is so much easier to manage than natural hair.  Now I know what you are saying: before you were raving about your natural hair and now you just want to abandon it and go back.  Well to defend my case, I went back and read some of my older posts.  More often than not, I was talking about the struggles of this journey.  I cannot deny that when it was good, it was good, but those moments were so short-lived. 

So now I am at a crossroads.  But before I jump the gun I decided that I am going to get a Keratin treatment.  They say it prevents frizz and makes your natural hair look and feel relaxed.  So I'm going to see how that goes.  If not, it may be back to the creamy crack.

Erica Hampton and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

This book was super hilarious growing up: Now I know what Alexander went through.  Fast forward 20 years.  Absolutely nothing went right today.  I take that back, I did have a good workout this morning.  After that, CURTAINS.

Today was a closed door day at work...a locked closed door.  To add insult to injury I had to work the extended shift, so I was there until 8 pm...with no dinner...

For some reason I have been anxious all week and today was no different.  I think my subconscious even needs a vacation...so does my hair.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.
 
  

You learn something new everyday...

I found this out one year ago today when I decided to cut all my hair off and go natural.  A big chop is what it is called officially, but I was not cutting my hair for any reason of significance; I wanted a new look.  The natural do's were really showing out and I wanted to get in on the fun.  And fun it wasn't.

There should be a disclaimer for women who decide to cut it all off and go natural.  The disclaimer should read: Your hair will be ADORABLE the first five months.  Don't be fooled by it.  At month six, you will get the first glimpse of YOUR natural hair.  And you won't like it.

Why not?  Because your hair no longer looks cute in your favorite style.  Yes the one that you have been doing for the past couple months because every other style pales in comparison.  It will never look right again.

Let me stop.  Yes it will; but it will be about four months later when you try the style out of desperation with the hope that it will save you.

And it will.  And your faith in natural hair will be restored.  Then you will begin to LOVE your hair.
 

For the love of natural hair

I will start by saying that when I began this journey I was the biggest optimist.  I had been relaxed since I was six years old and I had finally come to a place in my life where I wanted something different so off it went--and down went my self-esteem.

Throughout my natural hair journey there were only a few times that I was truly a fan of my natural mane- the first 4 weeks and weeks 12-16.  So sad I can recall that but that is how much of an impact it had on me.  The excess work and dedication was not what I thought I was signing up for.  Not to mention the frizz and tangling.  "What the hell did I do!!" was a question I often asked myself.  Now, at 9 months natural, I can truly say that I have developed a deep love for my natural hair.

As I look back on my journey, I realize that a lot of other things were going on in my life that influenced my negative feelings towards my hair.  My 30-lb weigh gain and dissatisfaction with my job were huge contributors to these feelings.  How can you love your hair when you are not in love with your body and in constant wonder about your mental state?  At times I felt like I was a prisoner of all these things. Then one day I woke up and realized that all of the issues going on in my life were preventable; so I decided to take back what was mine.

20 lbs and a new job later, I finally get it.  My dislike for my natural hair had nothing to do with the texture.  It had everything to do with me and my inability to be in control of my life.  I also now understand that what is beautiful changes over time.  In my early 20s beauty was external with no internal connection.  Now I can really marvel in the fact that external beauty is directly connected to your internal feelings about yourself. 

The Big Move

Hello blogspot!  So its been a while, I know.  A lot has changed since my last post.  For one, I am back in Virginia.  After months of unhappiness, I decided that I had to make a change so I took a job at the University of Virginia.  I will say that it has been a bit of a transition.  More work but less stress. There are pros and cons to every situation though, so I am trying to take it all in stride.  I will say this; I miss the hell out of my UCF coworkers.  The camaraderie was awesome.  The quietness in my new office is deafening. 

The other difficult part is I went from a long distance relationship to an even longer distance relationship.  This has been the hardest transition of all.   I am finally in a relationship with someone that makes me optimist about the future and one day becoming a plus 1, but being so far apart puts a bit of fear and doubt in my heart.  I am praying for the best.  They say patience is a virtue. Guess I am about to get a first hand lesson in it.