Hello babies! A lot has been going on in my world lately: wedding planning, trying to figure out where we want to settle, and dealing with the angst that comes with full-time employment. I can truly say that I am OVER it. My mom used to always say to put it in the hands of the Lord; so that is what I am going to do. I know that the Lord will cover me and keep me dry in the midst of the storm (with one of those pretty clear umbrellas), so I am going to stay focused on that. Prayer warriors: Keep my fiance' and I in your prayers.
God's got it!
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Saturday, February 28, 2015
My journey through 30
Almost 30 days ago I turned 31. I know that sentence alone is making you say, " so how is she going to speak about a JOURNEY? It's only been a year!" Well in such a short time, I have realized that 30s are so different from the 20s.
At 18 I realized that I was not in the body that I thought I should be in. At 163 I felt fat; not unattractive, just fat. That feeling alone was enough to affect the way that I viewed myself. Because I felt fat, I did not feel completely beautiful. Sure I can blame that on society and how it portrays overweight women, but I have to take ownership for that feeling as well. Instead of focusing on the other beautiful things about myself though, I opted to lose weight. And I did. In 2 years I lost 45 lbs and I knew I had solved that beauty issue. Embracing what my best friend and I call the Skinny Girl Syndrome, I basked in my new body. I wore skimpy outfits and drank in the flattery and admiration from men and women alike. All through my 20s I leaned on my body coupled with my cute face and I allowed it to make me feel like I reached the standard of beauty that everyone wants to reach. Then I turned 28 and slacked on my workout. At 29 I slacked on my eating and continued to neglect physical fitness. I gained 30 lbs. To make matters worse, I went natural, something else that made me question my beauty because it was not conventional. At 30 I moved back to Virginia and decided that I needed to get back on track and find my "beauty" again; I also went back to the creamy crack.
If you want to lose lbs, Weight Watchers is the way to go. By April I had lost 30 lbs without lifting a single weight or running a single lap. Couple that with my straight relaxed hair and in my mind all I could think was I'm BACK! 6 months later, I gained ALL of the weight back, and I lost ALL of what I thought beauty should be. My "beauty" was gone...again. Back to the overweight girl of my teens that loathed her stomach and big arms. Even my relaxed hair didn't make me feel beautiful. Then one day I woke up and realized why my "beauty" was gone. It wasn't because of my weight or my hair. It was simply because I did not know what beauty truly was.
At 31 I think I know. All of these years I have based beauty on my looks. That has NOTHING to do with it. Beauty is how you view yourself. Beauty is how you treat strangers. Beauty is how you love others. Beauty is in your goals, aspirations, and dreams. Your mental state makes you beautiful. The way you feel inside is the way that you look on the outside. If you value God, yourself, others, and nature it will show on the outside; it will produce a glow that weight loss and straight hair cannot match. The best part of all is that all of those things make you beautiful on the outside as well. My mission is different now. I still want to lose 30 lbs. Not because I want to look good in a dress, but because I want to do it for my future: my future kids, my future husband, MY future. Being here for them and for myself motivates me to change my lifestyle. To me that is the true definition of beauty.
At 18 I realized that I was not in the body that I thought I should be in. At 163 I felt fat; not unattractive, just fat. That feeling alone was enough to affect the way that I viewed myself. Because I felt fat, I did not feel completely beautiful. Sure I can blame that on society and how it portrays overweight women, but I have to take ownership for that feeling as well. Instead of focusing on the other beautiful things about myself though, I opted to lose weight. And I did. In 2 years I lost 45 lbs and I knew I had solved that beauty issue. Embracing what my best friend and I call the Skinny Girl Syndrome, I basked in my new body. I wore skimpy outfits and drank in the flattery and admiration from men and women alike. All through my 20s I leaned on my body coupled with my cute face and I allowed it to make me feel like I reached the standard of beauty that everyone wants to reach. Then I turned 28 and slacked on my workout. At 29 I slacked on my eating and continued to neglect physical fitness. I gained 30 lbs. To make matters worse, I went natural, something else that made me question my beauty because it was not conventional. At 30 I moved back to Virginia and decided that I needed to get back on track and find my "beauty" again; I also went back to the creamy crack.
If you want to lose lbs, Weight Watchers is the way to go. By April I had lost 30 lbs without lifting a single weight or running a single lap. Couple that with my straight relaxed hair and in my mind all I could think was I'm BACK! 6 months later, I gained ALL of the weight back, and I lost ALL of what I thought beauty should be. My "beauty" was gone...again. Back to the overweight girl of my teens that loathed her stomach and big arms. Even my relaxed hair didn't make me feel beautiful. Then one day I woke up and realized why my "beauty" was gone. It wasn't because of my weight or my hair. It was simply because I did not know what beauty truly was.
At 31 I think I know. All of these years I have based beauty on my looks. That has NOTHING to do with it. Beauty is how you view yourself. Beauty is how you treat strangers. Beauty is how you love others. Beauty is in your goals, aspirations, and dreams. Your mental state makes you beautiful. The way you feel inside is the way that you look on the outside. If you value God, yourself, others, and nature it will show on the outside; it will produce a glow that weight loss and straight hair cannot match. The best part of all is that all of those things make you beautiful on the outside as well. My mission is different now. I still want to lose 30 lbs. Not because I want to look good in a dress, but because I want to do it for my future: my future kids, my future husband, MY future. Being here for them and for myself motivates me to change my lifestyle. To me that is the true definition of beauty.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
I'm backkkkk! After another hiatus from my beloved blog, I felt compelled to write about what's new in the world of Erica. First off, I have been a fiancee' now for about 6 months! My hunny proposed to me on August 15th. It was so beautiful and thoughtful! Since then I have been planning away at this wedding. The first week I was so motivated I almost lost my fiancee'--something about let's enjoy being engaged before we jump right into planning...Blah, blah, blah! I guess he doesn't know how fast venues and photographers book up! To appease him though, I stopped planning for a few weeks (after I booked the venue of course)!
Then I met Tina. Tina opened my mind to all things wedding and got me back on track with the planning--I just had to have her decorate and plan our wedding.
Fast forward two months and I find the dress of my dreams; until I see the price! Eek! I began to think. Do I LOVE this dress or do I love this dress? So back to the drawing board. 2 1/2 months later I find my second dream dress and I know I can't get married without it. Of course it costs more than the first dream dress though as my luck would have it--but the tears that rolled down my face when I looked in the mirror were priceless: and Ramen isn't THAT bad if you put hot sauce and soy sauce in it.
Who ever thought the hardest part of getting married would be finding a dress for someone else? After going back and forth and considering the opinions of everyone (that was my mistake) I finally picked a dress for them that I liked. I'm sure they will love it too!
So this is where I currently am in the planning process. Save the Dates have been mailed, website is done (at least most of it) and rehearsal dinner location is booked. Sounds like I've done a lot right? I wish! There is still a ton more to do including figure out what I am going to do with my hair since I BIG CHOPPED again! I'm sure I will have more to update in the coming months. Stay tuned!
Then I met Tina. Tina opened my mind to all things wedding and got me back on track with the planning--I just had to have her decorate and plan our wedding.
Fast forward two months and I find the dress of my dreams; until I see the price! Eek! I began to think. Do I LOVE this dress or do I love this dress? So back to the drawing board. 2 1/2 months later I find my second dream dress and I know I can't get married without it. Of course it costs more than the first dream dress though as my luck would have it--but the tears that rolled down my face when I looked in the mirror were priceless: and Ramen isn't THAT bad if you put hot sauce and soy sauce in it.
Who ever thought the hardest part of getting married would be finding a dress for someone else? After going back and forth and considering the opinions of everyone (that was my mistake) I finally picked a dress for them that I liked. I'm sure they will love it too!
So this is where I currently am in the planning process. Save the Dates have been mailed, website is done (at least most of it) and rehearsal dinner location is booked. Sounds like I've done a lot right? I wish! There is still a ton more to do including figure out what I am going to do with my hair since I BIG CHOPPED again! I'm sure I will have more to update in the coming months. Stay tuned!
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