I will start by saying that when I began this journey I was the biggest optimist. I had been relaxed since I was six years old and I had finally come to a place in my life where I wanted something different so off it went--and down went my self-esteem.
Throughout my natural hair journey there were only a few times that I was truly a fan of my natural mane- the first 4 weeks and weeks 12-16. So sad I can recall that but that is how much of an impact it had on me. The excess work and dedication was not what I thought I was signing up for. Not to mention the frizz and tangling. "What the hell did I do!!" was a question I often asked myself. Now, at 9 months natural, I can truly say that I have developed a deep love for my natural hair.
As I look back on my journey, I realize that a lot of other things were going on in my life that influenced my negative feelings towards my hair. My 30-lb weigh gain and dissatisfaction with my job were huge contributors to these feelings. How can you love your hair when you are not in love with your body and in constant wonder about your mental state? At times I felt like I was a prisoner of all these things. Then one day I woke up and realized that all of the issues going on in my life were preventable; so I decided to take back what was mine.
20 lbs and a new job later, I finally get it. My dislike for my natural hair had nothing to do with the texture. It had everything to do with me and my inability to be in control of my life. I also now understand that what is beautiful changes over time. In my early 20s beauty was external with no internal connection. Now I can really marvel in the fact that external beauty is directly connected to your internal feelings about yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment